Secret
by quesera1
Summary: Jay is a doctor, Erin is a nurse - can they keep their relationship a secret? Linstead AU.


**From a Tumblr prompt: "Jay is a doctor and Erin is a nurse. They are married but nobody knows they are in a relationship and their coworkers find out." I put my own spin on this idea, hopefully you like it!**

**Thanks to my lovely ladies for putting up my millions of questions and all of their input. And obviously I know nothing about medicine, so...**

**(Also thanks to Grey's Anatomy for lots of inspiration - you might recognize a few things I borrowed from that show! And some Med characters too!)**

* * *

Jay sighed, flopping back on the mattress and staring up at the ceiling. "I just don't understand why you don't want to tell people?"

"It's not that I don't _want_ to tell people. I just… it's different for me." Noting the look of confusion on his face, Erin continued. "Okay look, if people find out that you're sleeping with a nurse, they'll high five you or think you're a stud or some other sexist bullshit. But if people find out that _I'm_ sleeping with a doctor? I can already hear the whispers—_Lindsay is screwing a doctor to get ahead. That's why Lindsay got that promotion_. _Lindsay is cheating the system_. I just want people to see me for _me_, to respect what I bring to the table."

"I can appreciate that," Jay stood up, reaching for her and taking her hands in his own. "And I know how important your job is to you. It's just going to be really, _really_ hard for me to see you in the cafeteria or pass you in the halls and not be able to touch you…" Jay's fingertips danced along her skin, trailing up her arms before settling on her face, drawing her ever closer. "…or kiss you senseless…"

Erin smiled against his lips, savouring the moment before reluctantly pulling back. "I know. I feel the same way, but—"

"It's okay babe, I get it." He pressed his lips against hers one more time before taking a step back and sitting on the edge of the bed, watching as she got ready for work. His girl in scrubs might just be his favourite sight. She looked strong and powerful and so damn sexy. He would never get tired of that sight, thanking his lucky stars that their paths had crossed in the first place.

It was a total fluke that they even met. He was fresh from Afghanistan, completing his residency in trauma surgery at Chicago Lakeshore Hospital, and she was on loan there from Gaffney Chicago Med, helping to cover when most of their nursing staff was sidelined by a particularly brutal bout of food poisoning. Jay still liked to joke that a bad pot of chili was the best thing to ever happen to him, because it brought her into his life.

They were assigned to the same case—a woman was brought in with life-threatening injuries after being impaled by a falling icicle—and later found themselves seated side-by-side at a nearby bar after shift. After unpacking the intensity of the day, their conversations shifted to more personal topics as they laughed and drank together. It was no surprise that the night ended back at her place, and they had more or less been waking up together ever since.

There had always been an element of competition between them, playfully arguing about whose hospital was better. Sure, Lakeshore got high-profile cases and tons of publicity, but Gaffney had a state-of-the-art emergency department that rivaled some of the best hospitals in the country. And now that Jay was starting his fellowship at _her_ hospital, Erin was excited for him to admit that she'd been right all along.

Jay was just looking forward to seeing more of his girlfriend. Working at different hospitals—often on opposite shifts—sometimes meant going days without seeing each other. So even though he agreed to keep their relationship a secret at work, he was still thrilled to be closer to her.

"You know," he began, his face lighting up with a mischievous grin. "This whole sneaking around thing could be kind of fun."

Erin laughed as he wiggled his eyebrows suggestively, crossing the room to playfully swat his arm. "I'll see ya." She pressed a quick kiss to his lips before grabbing her bag and heading out the door.

* * *

Collapsing into an empty seat at the nurses' station, Erin was thankful to finally have a few minutes to update her patient files and hopefully wolf down a granola bar. She noticed that a couple of the other nurses were deep in conversation, throwing furtive glances across the ED. "What are you guys whispering about?"

"Have you seen the new trauma surgeon?" Doris asked, her voice hushed as she leaned closer to Erin.

Knowing full well who they were talking about, Erin pretended to be engrossed in a chart, casually shrugging her shoulders in response.

"Oh my god Erin, look at him! He's _so_ hot!" Monique gushed.

Erin stole a quick look across the ED, chewing on her bottom lip as she tried to hide her reaction to the sight of Jay. 'Hot' did not do her man justice. She watched the fabric of his scrubs straining against his biceps as he worked on a patient, and if she listened close enough, she could just make out the sound of his voice as he gave orders to an intern.

Trying to remain calm—her plan to hide their relationship wouldn't exactly be successful if she ran across the ED and jumped his bones in the middle of shift—she just shrugged again. After taking a long swig from her water bottle, she continued, her tone much more relaxed than she felt. "Yeah, I guess he's kind of cute."

"_Kind of cute_?" A wide-eyed April chimed in incredulously. "Erin, you need to get your eyes checked or something. That man is fine as hell!"

Fighting the overwhelming urge to roll her eyes—Jay's ego was already big enough, she could only imagine how that kind of comment would go straight to his head—Erin continued, "Whatever, I have a boyfriend. So it doesn't really matter if I think the new guy is cute." She stood up abruptly, more than ready for the conversation to be over. "Anyway, don't you guys have work to do?"

* * *

"I have been wanting to do that allllllll day," Jay murmured against Erin's lips after pulling her into an empty exam room.

Erin sighed blissfully, her eyes fluttering shut as his lips moved lower, kissing a trail down the column of her neck. Before she even had time to fully appreciate the feeling of her boyfriend's muscular body pinning her against the wall or his strong hands roaming her body, they were interrupted by an obnoxious beeping.

"Son of a bitch," Jay cursed under his breath as they both fumbled around for their pagers.

She groaned, knowing their moment was over before it even started. "You or me?"

"Me," he grumbled, pausing as he read the message. "Incoming trauma."

Erin wrapped her arms even tighter around his torso, burying her face in his chest and inhaling his familiar scent. "Noooooo."

"Gotta save lives babe," he grinned, leaning in for one last kiss. "Love you."

* * *

"I think I'm going to go for it," Monique proclaimed out of the blue a few days later.

They were gathered around the nurses' station, taking advantage of a rare moment of quiet to load up on coffee. After all, five quiet minutes usually meant five hours of crazy was on the way.

April's eyes grew wide with surprise. "Ooooh, really?"

"Go for what?" Erin's brows quirked up in confusion. Clearly she was out of the loop on something. "What are you guys talking about?"

"Monique is going to ask Dr. Halstead out." And then, somehow mistaking the look of sheer horror on Erin's face for misunderstanding, April continued, "Dr. Halstead is the new trauma surgeon."

"The hot one!" Monique added with a wide grin. Grabbing a compact from the pocket of her scrubs, the young blonde nurse quickly surveyed her appearance in the mirror. Apparently satisfied with her reflection, she immediately popped it back into her pocket and faced her colleagues again. "Wish me luck!"

And then it was like a car accident—try as she might, Erin just couldn't look away. Her eyes were trained on Monique, watching as the younger woman crossed the ED to where Jay was standing, reading through a patient file and jotting down some notes.

He looked up when Monique stopped in front of him, offering her a small smile. "Hey, did you need me for a consult?"

"Um, actually," Monique began, nervously tucking her hair behind her ears. "I was sort of wondering if maybe you might want to… go out with me some time?"

Jay was completely silent, his mouth hanging slightly open as he tried to find a way to respond.

Erin swore she could feel his eyes on her, practically burning through her skin from across the ED. It took every ounce of self-control she had to stop herself from making eye contact with him. She focused on keeping her head down, feigning interest in whatever was on the computer screen in front of her.

She couldn't react. She couldn't say a word. Not without giving everything away.

It had been over a week, and despite a couple of close calls—like the time Erin instinctively reached out for Jay's hand after a particularly emotional case, only remembering at the last second and awkwardly covering by knocking over a stack of files, pissing off the charge nurse in the process—they had been doing a pretty good job of keeping things under wraps.

But in that moment, standing there watching as her colleague hit on her boyfriend? All Erin could do was wonder what the hell she was thinking wanting to hide their relationship.

Still refusing to look up, she could hear Jay clear his throat loudly, and in her peripheral vision she watched as his hand moved up to rub along the back of his neck—a nervous tic of his. Even from a distance she could faintly hear him hemming and hawing, tripping on words as he tried to apologize and find a way to let Monique down easy.

After another minute staring at the computer screen, Erin saw Monique dejectedly plunk herself back down in an empty chair.

"He turned me down," she explained sadly. "Apparently he has a girlfriend."

* * *

Word about Jay's relationship status spread quickly around the hospital—not that it mattered. It seemed like the entire nursing staff was infatuated with him, regardless of the fact that he was off the market.

And it was driving Erin absolutely _crazy_.

She knew it would be a challenge to work so closely with him while keeping their relationship a secret. But she never could have anticipated that it would _this_ hard.

When she wasn't being driven mad with lust—_seriously, could he stop looking so damn sexy all the time?_—she just wanted to scream for her colleagues to back the fuck off and stop ogling her boyfriend.

It was getting out of hand. She had never been the jealous type before, but there was just something about having to stand there and listen to everyone talk about how attractive Jay was (as if she didn't know that already) that was making her lose her mind. One of these days she honestly thought she might smack someone.

* * *

She came awfully close to _actually_ smacking someone a few nights later. Working overnight always brought out an interesting set of characters, and that night was no exception. After treating a sweet little boy who had fallen out of his new bunk bed, Erin headed into the next exam room, cringing inwardly at the smell of cheap alcohol and cigarettes filling her nostrils.

The middle-aged man waiting there was beyond drunk—it smelled like he'd _bathed_ in booze—and he was practically falling off of the hospital bed. He glanced up at the sound of the curtain opening, looking her up and down.

Figures she'd get the creepy drunk again.

She'd only been in this man's proximity for a few seconds, and Erin already felt like she needed to shower. Doing her best to hold her breath—his stench brought back memories from her childhood that she had no interest in thinking about—she approached him, plastering a fake smile on her face as she tried to ignore him leering at her.

"Hi there Mr.," she paused, scanning the intake form for his name, "…Lowery. Is says here that you were found passed out on a park bench? Little too much to drink tonight sir?"

He managed to tear his eyes away from her body, looking up at her with a sleazy grin. "I'm fiiiiiiine," he slurred. "Better now that you're here sweetheart."

Erin bit her tongue, fighting the urge to give him an earful. "Mr. Lowery, I see there's a note here that you were bleeding when you came in, that you might have hit your head? I'm going to need to take a look and make sure you don't need stitches, okay?"

She reluctantly took a step closer to him, pushing his greasy hair aside to examine the nasty gash across his forehead. He was definitely going to need stitches. She was just about to step away when she felt his hand reach around and grab her ass.

"Get your hands off of me!" she hissed, ready to deck the guy as she tried to wriggle out of his grasp.

"Hey!" A male voice shouted, loud enough to startle Mr. Lowery.

_Jay._

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" he spit out, a look of blind rage on his face. "You're here to be treated, not to manhandle our nursing staff!" Taking a deep breath—which Erin knew was in an effort to calm himself down—Jay turned to her, his face immediately softening. "You okay?"

She nodded quickly. It wasn't the first time a patient had gotten handsy with her, and unfortunately it probably wouldn't be the last. "I'm fine, Ja—um, _Dr. Halstead_, nothing I can't handle."

Jay knew she could handle it; he just didn't think she should have to. "I don't have anything right now. I can take him from here."

Erin nodded again. "Thanks," she added quietly as she ducked out of the room, leaving Jay to stitch him up.

* * *

"Hey babe," Jay smiled feebly at her when they met at the L station around the corner from the hospital an hour later. It had been a long night, and they were both eager to get home and rest.

"Hey." Erin was silent, keeping her head down as she fell into step alongside her boyfriend. Neither said a word as they climbed the stairs leading to the tracks.

When they reached the top—the train wouldn't arrive for fifteen more minutes—Jay sighed, grabbing Erin's hand and pulling her closer to him. "I'm sorry about before. I know you can take care of yourself, but the security guard was off doing who knows what and I just couldn't stand there while that asshole put his hands on you."

"I know."

"But you're still mad."

"No, it's not that," she began, pausing as she pulled Jay with her to sit on an empty bench. "I just—wasn't that kind of… I don't know… making things—_us_—a little bit… obvious?"

"Fuck. I didn't even think of that." He leaned back against the bench, feeling foolish for not realizing how his actions may be interpreted. Despite wanted to shout from the rooftops that Erin was his girlfriend, he respected her desire to keep their personal life separate from work. He hated to think he might have compromised that. "I'm so sorry babe. But you know, I honestly would have done the same thing if it was April or Monique or Doris or any of the other nurses in there. It's such bullshit that scumbags like that think they can manhandle you guys."

Erin nodded. It was true, Jay was one of the good ones. There was no doubt in her mind that he would have intervened for anyone, it just so happened that she'd been stuck on that case. She smiled softly as she rested her head against his shoulder. "Thank you."

"We okay?" When he felt her nod again, Jay leaned down to kiss her forehead.

* * *

When Erin returned to the hospital for her next shift, she discovered that her concerns were in vain. Sure, the ED was definitely abuzz with talk of Jay stepping in with a bad patient, but miraculously there was no mention of her name.

Of course, Jay's heroic behaviour only made the nursing staff that much more infatuated with him.

Frankly if she heard another word about 'Hero Halstead' she thought she might throw up.

* * *

"You have got to be fucking kidding me," Erin cursed under her breath, slamming the refrigerator door.

It had been the shift from hell—scratch that, the _week_ from hell—and as far as she was concerned it could not be over soon enough.

A terrible late-night car accident had brought in a slew of victims, overwhelming the ED. Within a few hours, most had either been treated and released, or admitted and sent upstairs, so things were finally starting to quiet down a little—at least enough for Erin to get something to eat and catch up on her charting.

At least that's what she had thought two hours earlier.

But instead of getting off her feet, she'd been running around like a madwoman. Apparently every single patient had banded together to drive her absolutely crazy. She had just cleaned up vomit for what was probably the twelfth time, only to get to the nurses' station to discover that someone had eaten her turkey sandwich.

She just wanted to scream. Or throw something. Preferably at the asshole who stole her lunch.

Normally she wouldn't get that upset about someone eating her food, but she and Jay had been on opposite shifts, which meant they had spent all of about five minutes together all week.

She was tired and cranky and missed her boyfriend.

And then right on cue, the elevator doors chimed and she looked up to see said boyfriend striding into the ED in his street clothes, looking happy and well-rested and sexy as all hell.

He smiled and said hello to a few people before glancing over to the nurses' station, no doubt looking for her. They made eye contact for a split second—just long enough to say _I love you, I miss you_ without words—and then he turned the corner toward the doctors' lounge and was out of sight again.

Erin sighed dramatically as she headed for the vending machine. She leaned her forehead against the machine for a minute—internally debating between Doritos and a Hershey bar—before jabbing her finger at the buttons. The chocolate fell with a satisfying _plunk_, and she quickly snatched it up, taking a big bite as she made her way back to the nurses' station.

When she glanced out the window on the way, she was appalled to see flakes of snowing falling from the sky. It was _October_. Some days she really fucking hated Chicago.

By the time she returned to the desk she had managed to rally a bit. She kept reminding herself that she only had to get through one more hour. Just one hour until she could go home and hibernate under her fluffy duvet for two whole days.

Her moderately good mood—if you could even call it that—disappeared immediately. There were a few other nurses at the station, and every single one of them was openly gawking at her boyfriend. Again.

He was chatting with his attending as they updated the OR board, and those bitches—bad mood was back in full swing—were drooling over him like he was a piece of meat.

Erin couldn't deny that he looked _damn_ good in his scrubs. He always did. But that day was like a whole other level of hot. Maybe it was just because it had been a while—damn the long hours and opposite schedules—but whatever the reason, she could already feel her blood pressure spiking at the sight of him.

Yanking her phone out of her pocket, she stormed down the hall in a huff.

* * *

Erin was pacing around the on-call room when there was a gentle rapping at the door. Before she had a chance to respond, the door creaked open and Jay poked his head around it.

"Hey," he greeted, carefully closing the door behind himself. "You paged me? What's wrong?"

"I need you."

"Babe, you paged 911—do you need a consult or something?"

If she wasn't so wound up, she probably would have laughed at his question. "No, I _need_ you," she breathed out, her voice husky with desire as she wrapped her arms around his neck and smashed her lips against his. Her hands moved lower, grabbing the drawstring of his scrubs to pull him closer, her fingers quickly slipping beneath the waistband.

Jay grabbed her wrists, removing her hands from his pants and taking a deep breath as he stepped back. "Erin, we're at work."

"So? Haven't you seen Grey's Anatomy? People fuck in on-call rooms all the time. It's practically what they're for."

Any hesitation on Jay's part went out the window as soon as her hands found their way back, stroking him through the fabric. "Fuck," he groaned as she pushed him down onto the bed, throwing her leg over him and straddling his waist.

The bedsprings creaked obnoxiously as they moved together, so when Erin climbed off of him to strip out of her scrubs, Jay took the opportunity to pick her up and push her back against the wall. As he thrust into her, he kissed her deeply, swallowing the cries of pleasure spilling from her lips. She wrapped her legs tightly around him, locking her ankles against his lower back, driving him to go harder, faster, deeper.

She came with a wild moan that sent Jay over the edge right along with her. Her body went lax in his arms as they both struggled to catch their breath.

"You're going to kill me," Jay panted, peppering soft kisses across her bare shoulder. "But wow, what a way to go."

They were almost dressed by the time Jay's pager started beeping incessantly. He straightened his shirt as he looked at the screen. "Shit, this really is 911!" He crouched down to tie his shoelaces before jumping up to kiss her quickly. "I'm sorry, I've gotta run babe. I'll see you at home."

* * *

They had developed a pretty perfect system to keep their personal and professional lives separate. When they worked the same shifts, they rode the L to and from the hospital together—usually with Erin half asleep and resting her head against Jay's shoulder—then held hands until they were a block away from the hospital. She took the elevator; he took the stairs.

So despite the occasional close call or near miss, they had managed to keep their secret pretty well.

Until that day.

Jay had been in surgery for hours—the way bullets flew around in Chicago, he might as well be back in Afghanistan—and was just getting ready to close when an intern burst into the operating room. "What's going on Schmitt?"

"Dr. Halstead, they need you in the ED," the intern explained, unable to hide the shakiness in his voice.

"I'm kind of in the middle of something here."

"Yes, I know, but… shots were fired."

Jay's blood ran cold at Schmitt's words—Erin was on shift. "Was anyone hit?"

"I'm not sure. It's locked down."

Jay turned to the junior resident who had been working alongside him. "You okay to close up?" Before the young woman could even finishing nodding her head, he was already rushing out of the OR, yanking off his gloves and mask and running toward the ED.

Even though he knew it was on lockdown, he was still taken aback by the police presence. The halls were filled with officers, most dressed in full tactical gear as they gathered together to hatch out a plan of action.

He whipped his phone out of his pocket, scrolling through countless messages and notifications, desperately looking for any word from Erin. His heart pounded in his chest as he read her messages—she was in there. He didn't know if she'd be able to answer, but he quickly typed a response asking if she was okay. He _needed_ her to be okay.

When his phone vibrated in his hand a few seconds later, relief washed over him.

_I'm fine, but Monique was hit. She's losing a lot of blood, Jay._

Jay rushed forward, pushing past the throngs of people to where the police had blocked off the ED. "You need to let me in there!"

"Halstead," Goodwin piped in, holding up a hand to stop him from going any closer, "you need to take a step back and let the police do their jobs."

"I'm sorry Ms. Goodwin, but I can't do that." He turned to address the officer in charge, trying to keep his voice steady. "I need to go in there. There are innocent people back there—patients, nurses. And at least one of them is down."

"Dr. Halstead, I assure you we have the situation under control," the sergeant explained.

And then another round of gunshots rang out.

While most of the other people gathered in the hallway ducked or screamed, Jay pressed on. "With all due respect, it doesn't seem like you have _anything_ under control! There's at least one person in there who's bleeding out right now. I'm a trauma surgeon, I can help."

"Sir, this is more than just a medical emergency. We can't just put a civilian into a live and clearly dangerous situation. It's against CPD protocol."

"Fuck your protocol, my girlfriend is in there!" Jay bellowed, no longer caring who knew about their relationship. He just need her to be okay. He'd transfer to another hospital if he had to. Or flip burgers at a fucking McDonalds. He'd do anything, he just couldn't lose her. "I'm not a civilian, I was in the military. I've been trained for these types of situations—and for worse ones. _Now let me through!_"

Maybe it was the desperation in Jay's voice, or maybe it was just because they didn't have any other options, but the police managed to negotiate with the shooter. He was just a scared kid, no more than fifteen years old, desperate to get treatment for his sick mother. Knowing he didn't want anyone to die, they convinced him to let a doctor—Jay—come in.

"You sure about this?" The sergeant asked as he fastened a bulletproof vest over Jay's scrubs.

Jay nodded resolutely as they held the door for him. He had never been more sure about anything in his life.

He entered the ED slowly, his hands held up in front of him, showing the shooter that he was not a threat. His eyes quickly scanned the room, taking in every detail of his surroundings. Most of the exam room doors were shut with the curtains closed, as was standard practice in a volatile situation. But he saw a few patients and staff members sitting in the waiting area, visibly trembling in fear.

But there was no sign of Erin or Monique anywhere.

"Where…?" Jay asked the shooter.

The boy didn't speak; he just waved his gun at the desk.

When Jay finally saw Erin, he wanted take her in his arms and never let her go. But she was otherwise occupied, her hands busy pressing against Monique's abdomen, applying pressure to stop her colleague from bleeding out. Falling to his knees beside them, Jay lifted Erin's hand from the wound, squeezing it in his own as he assessed the injury.

She definitely needed surgery. And soon.

Knowing that time was of the essence, Jay quickly explained to Erin what they needed to do to stabilize Monique. When his girlfriend nodded in understanding and began following his instructions, he turned his attention to the shooter, his hands once again held in the air as he spoke. "Hey buddy, my name's Jay."

"Shut up!" The kid yelled across the ED, waving the gun around.

Jay wasn't phased by the weapon in front of him, he just continued, figuring that as long as the kid was talking, he wouldn't be shooting anyone else. "Listen, I know you're worried about your mom, but this isn't the way."

"She's going to die!" He cried, tears flowing down his cheeks. "They couldn't help her! It's not fair!"

"I know. I lost my mom when I was about your age, and it _sucks_. But buddy, trust me when I say she wouldn't want this for you. I know you're scared, but I really need you to put down your gun and let me to get this woman into surgery."

"No, no one goes anywhere!"

"If we don't operate soon, she's going to die. Killing this woman doesn't help you or your mom. It doesn't make things any better." Jay could see the boy's resolve breaking. "_Please_."

* * *

Jay watched as they wheeled Monique to the OR.

He had managed to convince the kid to drop his weapon, and the police breached the ED seconds later, cuffing the kid as hospital staff checked on the other patients. Fortunately, no one else had been hurt.

Jay knew he needed to get down to the OR too, but before he followed Monique's gurney, he turned to Erin, pulling her into his arms and holding her tightly as he captured her lips with his own. It was the kind of kiss that said more than any words ever could—how much he loved her, how scared he was of losing her, how relieved he felt that she was unharmed.

And in that moment, even Erin didn't care who saw.

* * *

"So you're the girlfriend," Monique stated, smiling sheepishly as Erin entered her hospital room the next morning. She had only been awake from surgery for a couple of hours, and news of Erin and Jay's relationship had already spread around the hospital.

Erin nodded her head as she settled into the chair beside Monique's bed, taking the younger nurse's hand in her own. "I'm sorry I didn't say anything before."

"Well I'm sorry I hit on your boyfriend," Monique joked, wincing as pain shot through her side. "You're a lucky woman."

Erin nodded again, smiling as she glanced out the room and into the hallway where Jay was hard at work reviewing a chart with an intern. "I really am."

* * *

As nice as it was to finally stop worrying about hiding their relationship, they did find themselves missing the added layer of privacy. It had been nice to have one thing that was just theirs.

So when Jay got down on one knee and asked Erin to be his girl forever, it was in the comfort of their own home, dressed in sweatpants on a quiet Sunday evening.

And when they got married a few months later, it was a quiet ceremony at city hall, with just their families present. Rings would get in the way at work anyway, so they wore them on chains around their necks, keeping their love for each other close to their hearts, safely hidden away under their scrubs.

Their little secret.


End file.
